Douche Bag of the Week!

Congratulations CNBC's Mark Haines, you're our douche bag of the week! What a fucking asshat. You can just hear his contempt for working people in his voice. What do people on Main Street know about running financial institutions? While Sherman has a pretty good comeback, I'd go a step further and say they know quite a bit actually. There have been plenty of small town banks that are doing pretty good now and lending money. Small financial institutions that knew that gambling with people's retirement accounts or their mortgages was a bad idea and not something to piss away. If ever you could just reach through a TV or computer screen and slap someone I'd definitively be decking this guy. Oh and the poor babies would have to make due with only $100,000? Dear God! Oh no! Never mind the fact that what Obama laid out was $500,000. But somehow I think that even that much is too small for him. He for sure looks like a man who likes to indulge if you know what I mean. Yes that's a fat joke. Ugh, this guy just makes me sick. 

Caption This

Sir Sean Connery, his artist wife, and a pic of a pool boy who either was never heard from again or is suddenly thousands richer and lugging around a very thick confidentiality contract. 

If ever there were a picture that screamed for some captioning fun, this is it. And yet I can't think of anything killer. Go figure. Any ideas? 

New Rules & The Whole Damn Episode!

Real Time with Bill Maher was excellent this week after last week's kinda flat show. I'll start with new rules and then post the rest of the show for a change. From Madeline Albright calling George Bush nuts to the talking Trig Palin doll to the Snug Wow to the great Keith O on the show. You can't go wrong! 

At The Club

Dim the lights, crank the music, and throw some singles up on the stage and really then, what's the difference? 

And I'll say it again, full beards with shaved chests is just weird. It's got to go. Make a choice. Shave it all or let it grow. But let's have some consistency please. That goes for all you hipster boys in Portland too. I'm putting you all on notice!

Gays On My TV

Now the tables have turned. I used to watch the Rosie O'Donnell show when she'd have out celebrities on. Especially when she had Ellen on. There was this weird tension going on between the two. Not sexual, but Ellen obviously knew at the time that Rosie was a big lesbian but not out. There was a underlying tension of 'don't even make an off handed quip'. Basically don't even say anything that could be misconstrued. And it makes for awkward interviews but they're kinda fun to watch. And now that Ellen has her own show, she's on the other end of that now. And there's a slight apprehension on Cooper's part. Gee, I wonder whatever that could be for? 

Is it still there today?

What could possibly go wrong?

You're all sheep.

Some people have a lot of time on their hands. A lot. I mean I have a lot of time on my hands, but not enough that I'd think up something like this, let alone think it was a good idea.

Change You CAN Believe In!

I rightfully ranted about this long ago when I read that Bush wouldn't allow the US to sign U.N. declaration that called for worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality. Well looky loo: 

The Associated Press has learned that the Obama administration will sign a U.N. declaration calling for the worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality that President George W. Bush had refused to endorse.
U.S. officials said Tuesday they had notified the French sponsors of the declaration that the administration wants to be added as a supporter of the declaration. The Bush administration was criticized in December when it was the only Western government that refused to sign.

Sanity slowly is coming back to the world. Woo hoo!

You've seen the cartoon, now play the game!

This is why you don't mess with Dr. Manhattan. Unless you're Smurfette. 
Not safe for work. 

The Pope Is A Moron

Besides allowing the excommunication of a Holocaust denying bishop now he's come out and said that condoms makes the AIDS problem worse. Yeah, he said that. He stated that abstinence is the best way to stop the spread. Well duh. You know never leaving my house is the best way to never get hit by a truck either, but not really realistic. Then he has the audacity to say that the Catholic Church is at the forefront of the battle against the AIDS. Umm. . . you can't say you're on the forefront of a battle when you leave one of the best weapons you have at home. I'm sure the 22 million people in Africa with AIDS are all abstinent now that the Pope said they should be. 

Remind me again why he's still relevant? 

The Absurdities of Modern Life

Watching this it struck me as totally absurd as he's standing naked on a chair, probably for hours, and people on set are milling about doing their jobs. Maybe not oblivious to the naked man but they find it unremarkable. Maybe it's a common occurrence in their world, but it's just as absurd that they find it unremarkable. 

Can I also point out that yes, they did indeed airbrush his skin and paint on definition lines. So you can feel a little bit less bad about yourself. 

Okay, mostly I just like videos of hot naked men set against classical music. 

Greatest. Toilet. Ever.

Americans take their toilets too seriously. We need more things like this. And really the possibilities are endless. And what are all those buttons on the side? I looks like the captains chair of the Enterprise. 

And who hasn't ever seen a ski jump and gone, "Boy, I'd like to take a dump on top of that." 

Turn The Volume Down

Watch this whole clip closely.

What the hell is up with the shot at 1:28? I mean the story is funny enough as is, but that shot kills me. What is that? "Hey, let's get a shot of the hand he was jacking off with." I mean what other reason is that shot in there for?

And I love his reaction to when they ask him if he's going to stop watching porn. His mother must be so proud.

And I got through this whole post without one sword/penis pun!

IF I had to. . .

I mean yeah, IF I had to. You know if somebody had a gun to my head, yeah. . . I'd do him. IF I had to.