My Future Ex-Husband #2

I cannot get enough of this guy. Seriously, I'm smitten like a kitten. He's like this beautiful ball of positive, cheery energy. He's hot, stylish, and he can decorate my house. What more do you need? 

It's Here To Stay!

This poor guy, the lights are shot right into his eyes and so he keeps tilting his head to get the damn lights out of his eyes. And the lights are bouncing off his glasses. So it's obvious it was done on the fly. But I like what he has to say. And right on that it sounds like they won't be able to ban gay marriage anytime soon. A beautiful state with gay marriage. Awesome. But I'm still not moving there. Though I want to visit Des Moines. Just to see what the hell a gay bar in Des Moines looks like. You know you're curious. 

3 Down, 47 More To Go!

Who knew Iowa was more progressive than California. Actually Iowa has a history of early equal civil rights. I'm happy now that a state in the heartland has come to its senses and decided to treat us equally. Because now maybe people can look at it and not think that it's only the elite/liberal Northeast thats doing this. 

And Iowa really is a beautiful state. Now I really only saw it from the highway. But it's rolling hills of corn fields spotted with trees. And I spent the last portion of the drive right at dusk. Really pretty. Nebraska, not so much. Pretty much once you cross the state line, it suddenly gets really ugly. Go figure. So yay Iowa!



So now we have three states that allow gay marriage and yet the end of the world hasn't come yet. Still no rapture. Maybe we have to wait till all states allow it? I dunno. 

The odd thing is that there isn't a much larger hullabaloo about this. I mean I had to search on the front page of Huffington Post to find the story. It's buried way down near the bottom. How things change. And changing they are. 

Justice is coming. It will happen in my lifetime. It's shameful that as progressive Oregon loves to portray itself that we don't have full, equal marriage. Shameful. 

Fanny Pack Redux

I'd hate to be working for Madonna today. Why? Somebody told her 'no'. Yes, the judge ruled that she can't adopt another kid from Malawi. And you know that 'no' just isn't a word that she hears a lot. She gets what she wants! *snaps finger in the air* (I think that's my favorite part of Truth or Dare). 

You know what this is really about? The fanny pack. Come on, you knew I was going there. I think the judge took one look at her wearing that fanny pack and said 'no deal'. And really, could you blame him? They're not going to let one of their countries little treasures be raised by a girl from Detroit who wears a fanny pack. And all the millions of dollars and fake British accents aren't going to change that. I think we can now get rid of AD/BC and replace it with AFP/BFP: After Fanny Pack and Before Fanny Pack. 

Actually I'm sure she'll get the kid. I'd bet money on it. I mean she adopted the last one without following their residency laws, why would this one be any different? And really, this kid has a chance to escape the horror of living in an impoverished third world country. Do you really think they're going to not give her that chance? And I know I give her crap, but really, kudos to her. She's changing the lives of these kids for the better and bringing attention to a place that could use all the attention and help it can get. But in the meantime, let's remember happier times: 

Keep It Together doesn't get the love it deserves. And yes, obviously her accent has gotten a lot better. 

Madge Wore What?

If you ever needed any proof that Madonna has entirely lost it I present you with this: 



No, not that she's adopting another kid. No, it's that Madonna is wearing a fanny pack! A fanny pack! As a fag who vogue'd his way through the 90's and saw her comeback show in Vegas in 2001 I cannot tell you how dispiriting this is. Who wears fanny packs anymore? Fat asses at the mall and obnoxious American tourists seem to be the only wearers of this fashion atrocity anymore. Really Madonna, it's time to move to Vegas, set up shop at the Bellagio and settle into that kitchy/showy Vegas stage of your career. I'm sorry, but the fanny pack is the final nail in the coffin. 

My Future Ex-Husband

Because he asked us too spread it around, here it is:



I think us Jay Brannan fans need a specific kitchy name. Something kinda stupid. Like how Clay Aiken fans were called Claymates. I'm not comparing them at all, don't freak out. I'm just using that as an example. We need a name. Brannatics? I dunno. Any ideas?

And it's weird seeing him drive in this. I know he was born in Texas but I just envision him as a pure New Yorker who doesn't even know how to drive.

Bruno Red Band!

From watching the Ali G show in the past Borat was always the funniest character. He could get away with so much because Americans are inherently nice to foreigners. But gay foreigners? Forget about it. So I think that plus the fact that so many people know his schtick now might affect the movie. Who knows? But it looks hilarious from this trailer. I can't wait. 

Why Hasn't Anybody Done This Before?

Hustler is making a Star Trek porn. Pretty kooky. Read all about it and see all the actors/actresses HERE but beware there's nudity. Though I really think this would work better as a gay porn because let's face it, Star Trek was pretty much a sausage fest. When I first saw this picture I thought, "Are they just all going to gang bang Uhura?" But of course they're going to add in a bunch of female recruits. But how on Earth can you have a Star Trek porn and not have Kirk bed a green chick? Or at least a Tribble or two! But kudos for including a Khan. None of the guys are all that good looking, another reason it works better as a gay porn. The guys in straight porn usually aren't all that attractive. 

And don't worry, I'm not going to make a 'where no man has gone before' joke. But one thing is for sure, this will still probably be better than The Final Frontier. Zing!

Pappy Smear Auto Sales

I'm sure there are plenty of great vagina/car jokes in there somewhere but I can't think of any. So I guess you're on your own. Enjoy.

Wait, why does a gynecologist wear a stethoscope? 

"In Batches"

I hope this disgusts you, because it disgusts me. Thousands of Americans gave their lives, tens of thousands more wounded, and billions & billions of dollars all to liberate Iraq so that they can execute homosexuals in 'batches'. Iraqi-LGBT believes that 128 executions are imminent. 

Look, I understand that Iraqi was probably doing this before we ever came in, but maybe one of the conditions of our liberating them should be that they have to pull their heads out of their asses and join the modern world. We all know that going to war with Iraq was a colossal cluster fuck, but after all that America has invested in it, right or wrong, we should have some say in what happens over there. And basic human rights should one of the things we mandate that goes into their constitution. I don't think that's too much to ask. Oh but we can't because it's their beliefs. Well fuck their beliefs. Seriously. Their beliefs are barbaric. Painful as it might be for them, they need to get with the times. But to execute people for being gay is just crazy. Lock them away. Deport them. Make them wear a scarlet G. Anything else. But to rob them of their lives. . . it's just horrific. And what will the US do? 

Nothing. Because gay people aren't worth standing up for. Gay people aren't worth fighting for. Oh sure maybe we'll get a strongly worded statement out of the state department, but that's as far as it'll go. 

Not to mention the fact that we have no moral high ground to stand on anymore because we tortured people too. And what did that torture bring us? Not a damn thing. 

I could just scream. 

Blog Poll!

So I was flipping through my newly discovered free cable and came across TV Land. Who if there ever was a channel that needed their own theme park, TV Land is it. Ride the Silver Spoons train! Eat at the diner from Alice! Have racial epithets hurled at you by an animatronic Archie Bunker! But I digress. The Brady Bunch was on and it left me pondering that great, as of yet unanswered question: Was Mr. Brady a top or bottom? 

It's not on his Wikipedia page. Why ever not, I really don't know. Why isn't there a whole Wiki page about gay celebrities sex preferences? At least after they are dead let us know. I can't be the only one curious about this? 

But in watching the show I couldn't decide what I thought he was. It's not like he was some lisping Snagglepuss. You know that pink pussy was a big nelly bottom. His Wikipedia page talks about him threating partners after sex to keep their mouths shut, so that to me says angry butch top. But I've known some pretty aggressive, bitchy bottoms too. 

So I guess I just don't know. 

What do you think dear reader? 

Is that the face of an aggressive, angry top or a big nelly bottom? 

Graham and the Cracker

I love that Graham and David treat him like the piece of ass he is. I mean this boy doesn't have a thought in his head. But I guess that's okay when you're pretty. When he calls David 'bro' it pretty much tells me everything I need to know about Zac Efron. Right? That speaks volumes to me. Volumes. But he watches Little Britain, so he can't be all bad. 

Forgot About Overtime

Usually Overtime is just a few minutes. Actually some real discussion this week.

Real Time: Whole Show Again

I'm basically posting the whole show because it makes it easier for me to watch. So New Rules are at the end this time. 

My Sad, Sad Saturday Night

So last night was Earth hour where supposedly everybody was going to turn off their lights and read by candle light or something. Check out these pics: 

Are you in awe yet? 

Yeah. Me neither. There's still a shit load of lights on. Even in Las Vegas where it's kinda dramatic, but not so much. Look, the only was something like this works is if everybody does. Everybody. The only thing that would really make me go, 'holy shit' was if every single light was out. But that will never happen. Cause there will always be old curmudgeons like me that just don't give a shit. Or kinda give a shit, but not enough to sit in the dark for an hour and reflect upon energy consumption. I have enough problems with my boring Saturday nights that I don't need to make them more boring. 

And why only for an hour? Why not a day? Or a week? That'd really get people to think about their energy consumption. Or hell why not just give it all up. Turn everything off and go back to basics. Just like the hippies and Islamic fundamentalists want us too. Sorry, but I love my Mr. Coffee and my Blu-Rays too much to ever give them up. 

The whole thing reminds me of those one day gas buying boycotts they kept trying to have over the last few years. The idea being that if everybody didn't buy gas for one day it's drive the price down. Yeah, pretty freaking stupid. But people bought into it. Not intelligent people, but people nonetheless. Again in theory it works. In theory. But only if everybody does it. But there is enough Scrooges like me that it'll never be. I can be idealistic about many, many things but not something as stupid as this. 

So just how did I spend my Earth hour? Watching bad action movies on FX while surfing the internets. Yes I had my TV on, my computer on, and all my lights on. And if I could have I would have spent the whole hour brewing coffee and microwaving Hot Pockets constantly. Oh and I walked to Safeway and bought stuff to make myself a root beer float. Kinda sad really. 

One of the bad, bad action movies I watched was The Marine. This movie has to be some sort of weird spiritual cousin to Road House. Yet at the same time it's a odd Red State, right wing jack off action movie. Case in point; the movie opens in Iraq at an 'Al-Qaeda training camp'. I shit you not. And they show a whole big compound thingy. Like some sort of fortress. I mean are people stupid enough to think that, that's what it's really like over there? But this movie was produced by the WWE, so what do you expect? So John Cena goes in, kills all the brown people, and saves his Marine brothers who are just about to be beheaded. 

The action is kinda okay, but at the same time way over the top. There's a car chase where a cop car takes probably 10,000 bullet hits and just keeps going. I half expected it to fall apart ala' The Blues Brothers. But then it's a Camaro. And you know how those righties love their Camaro's. John Cena has all the charisma of a cinder block. He couldn't act his way out of a plastic bag. In fact if the villains really wanted to foil him they would just put him in a large plastic bag. I don't even think his face noticeably moves once. If you played a drinking game where you drank every time his face moved you'd be stone cold sober at the end. 

The real saving grace of this movie is the bad guys. Robert Patrick is especially crazy. He seems to be one of the only people in the movie who understands that he's in a trashy movie and he plays the camp aspect aptly. It starts with a self aware Terminator reference. Then out of nowhere Patrick receives a call to confirm his DirectTV platinum package while he's in the middle of the fucking swamp trying to get away. It's just so randomly wtf? Once you get to the point where one of the baddies is recounting how he was molested at summer camp and can't stand rock candy as a result you know this movie has totally gone off the rails. The movie is just terrible. But that good kinda terrible. 

I think the only thing that would improve this movie is if they recast John Cena with Michael Cena. Then you'd really have something. 

And that was my sad, sad Saturday Night. 

New Kids In The Hall Sketch!

I guess some website paid them a bunch of dough and they filmed a new sketch. Whether this is a one time thing or not, I don't know. But watching this it's clear, they still got it.