Legend of the Hot Shirtless Dude

If like me you only have basic, basic cable and therefore limited TV viewing choices, you could do a lot worse than Legend of the Seeker. Here's why: 

It's from Sam Raimi and the other guys who made Xena and such. I never watched Xena so I'm not really sure if this is better or not. Though hot male lead vs. hot female lead doesn't leave much debate in my world. 

Oh how I'd kill for a body like his. 

But not, ya know, starve myself and spend 5 hours a day in gym. 

That I wouldn't do. 

But I'd kill for it. 

It breaks my heart.

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Furious

THIS makes me furious. This woman and her kids were denied the right to see her partner as she was dying in 2007. To the people who say this kind of thing doesn't happen, umm, fuck you and here's your proof. In 2007! This is not the 1950's. We need full marriage rights and we need them now. Not civil unions or domestic partnerships, but full marriage. And we need it now. Stories like this should NOT be happening in this day and age. 

Craig's Greatest Hits

This was a legitimate ad on Craigslist: 

this is super random i know. 

i dont have many friends in portland and looking for someone to hang out with. i just moved here recently. i have been craving izzys pizza, i know its not the best, but im craving it. So lets go. i havnt never done this before and posted on here for something like this. We could watch some basketball, relax at the gym, or whatever afterwards.
im bi discrete and masculine and would like to meet someone sorta like me. i have pics to trade if you want. if this is still up im still looking for tonight.
im 511 oneninty brown hair, white guy, former soccer player, average guy next store looks.

Okay, I feel for the guy. I really do. It's hard to be new to a town and alone. And over looking the 'havnt never done this' and the 'guy next store' , but Izzy's?!  

Really?? 

Izzy's? 

And how do you 'relax at the gym'?  

Hey-O!

A man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder. 

Bartender goes, "Hey, that's cool. What do you call it?" 

Man goes, "Tiny, because he's my newt." 

Hey-O!

Starfish Hitler

No, it's not just the peyote you're taking, that really is a starfish that turns into Hitler. Brilliant. I'll wait for the Hollywood remake staring Matthew McConaughey and Frank Langella as Starfish Hitler. 

The bathtub, the cuffs, the water!

This cracks me up. One gets the feeling he could be shouting anything at the model. It wouldn't matter.

Observe & Laugh.

It's been a fairly uninteresting day on the internets but I did want to share this trailer. It's for Observe & Report which is the new Seth Rogen movie coming out in April. I know, I know. Him again? It took me two viewings of Pineapple Express to really appreciate it, even though it was directed by one of my favorite working directors. And this trailer has been cut to sorta mimic the Pineapple Express trailer, but make no mistake, this is a new dance. What really excites me about this film is that it's the follow up for on Mr. Jody Hill who made The Foot Fist Way. That grungy, unsung movie that I can't say enough about. Anyways, this is the Red Band trailer which means it's full of dirty goodness. I dare you to not laugh at the last line from Anna Faris. Dare you.



And if you haven't done it yet, go rent The Foot Fist Way. Go.

PS. Is it me or are the new titles & stars on all YouTube video's annoying and obtrusive? 

Stephen vs. Steven

Stephen Colbert & Steve Martin do a great take off of the Christian Bale rampage:

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Oh how I love, love, love Steve Martin. But more on that in the future.

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Case In Point

Almost as soon as I hit publish post on the last one I saw THIS. So wait, Jonathan Knight is gay but Jordan Knight isn't? Who'd thought? Well that's what you get for dating Tiffany. 

And what a dick move by the ex-bf for selling his story. Did he not even go to Mr. Knight first and get a counter offer? Don't they know that's how you black mail people? 

I never really gave a toss about New Kids On The Block so I greet this with mostly a big yawn. 

Call me when Justin Timberlake or Nick Carter gives up the charade. 

The Fast & The Scurrilous

So Portland is all up in arms about our Mayor. Now this post isn't directly about that. We're having our little investigation and we'll see what happens with that. Bottom line, if the kid was 18 when they boned, then it's legal under the law and it's none of our business. Yeah he lied about it. I laugh at those who feign shock that a politician lied to them. As if it was the first time. But he lied about his personal business. And didn't really break any laws. Maybe. And it's a big maybe and we'll know soon enough I guess. 

 Why I bring this is up because HERE we have a sorta similar issue but at the same time, way, way different. And the scandal here isn't that he's so freakin hot and that his teenage bride to be is kinda homely. What is really crazy is how Star Magazine just glosses over when they first started dating. Just completely glosses right over it. Um Star, did you think about the math? They've been dating three years. She was 16 when they met and began dating. He was 35 - 3 = illegal. Unless they waited the two years to have sex. Which I'm sure is the case. Not to mention the fact that Mr. Walker has a 9 year old daughter! So he's marrying someone who is only ten years older than his daughter. All of this is icky. And I just can't fathom how Star just writes this nice little superficial article about it without realizing what it's really about. 

And that brings up another point, we're just hearing about this now? He hasn't been around a lot recently, but he's been in movies in the last three years. I mean, we hear about some celebs every waking hour and every move, but nobody notices the teenage concubine going everywhere with Mr. Walker???  It just double scores my point that Hollywood and the press will keep some secrets for some people. And not for others. People's sexuality is a big one. It'll be an open secret all around town for years, but nobody ever says anything. Until they come out or something big happens and it can't be contained anymore. And I'm sure it happens with all kinds of other things too. STD's, affairs, mental breakdowns, addictions, affairs on top of affairs, inbred lobster babies. It's a whole kooky town! 

I was right.

See, I was right. It could work as a musical. 

If he's got no remorse, it must be Magnum Force!

A man's gotta know his limitations. One Robyn Hitchcock however, doesn't seem to. Mr. Hitchcock wants to turn the Dirty Harry sequel into a musical and maybe even take to Broadway. Seriously.  I understand that as a society we have to remake, reboot, sequelize, or make into Broadway plays every property that even had a modest amount of success, but this is getting crazy. Besides the fact that Magnum Force is an action movie, the character lived and dies with Mr. Eastwood. Nobody else can play the role. Not a soul. And even having the character of Dirty Harry break out in song is so against character it just cannot work. Just look at this trailer and tell me how this works? How do they pull of the vigilantes gunning people down all over San Francisco? 

And I'm not against musical theater at all. I am gay after all, but this is just getting stupid. If ever there were two things that defined mutually exclusive it'd be the audience for musical theater and the audience for a Dirty Harry movie. They cannot exist together. If ever they were to come into contact the world would implode and cease to exist. How would this make money? Who would see this besides the morbidly curious like myself? If it ever comes to fruition, it'll close in a week. 

"Honey, I know you had your heart set on The Lion King, but let's go see Magnum Force!" 

"The hell we will! You know the deal. I gave you oral sex last night, you're going to The Lion King with me. And if I hear one more word, I'm taking you to Xanadu!" 

Lion King, now that can work as a play. As can Xanadu, The Producers, Young Frankenstein, Shrek, Billy Elliot, and so on. There are plenty of properties that can work as theater and plenty that I really can't see working. 

So I want to hear from you dear reader. What's a property that is so stupid it can work as a musical play and what's one idea so stupid it'll never work as a musical play? 

I'm going to go with Star Trek as something that really could work as musical theater. How come Paramount isn't timing this to come out with the reboot movie? It'd have to have a camp value and if they used cheesy sets and make-up like the original series it could be campy fun. They really only have to do the inside of the ship. Throw a few fake rocks on the stage for an alien planet. Boom. It works. It couldn't be any worse than Mamma Mia! right?   

As for what would never work? Hands down Mad Max. That series lives and dies in vehicles. But knowing the powers that be, they'll damn sure try! 

What do you think? 

Explosives are fun!

Now this is much more efficient than a chain saw and backhoe. 

WTF?

THIS story is ridiculous. 

So let me get this correct: I'm not allowed to legally get married, but marriage is such a fucking joke to straight people that you'll marry off strangers together just for some ratings???? And for what? So you can sell some advertising for shitty hamburgers, cars nobody wants to buy, and erection pills? 

Yeah, and it's all our fault. Us gays are the one's ruining the institution marriage. 

This is such a slap in the face. 

Douche Bag of the Week!

This is for you Cale: 

You just know it's going to be a good week when it's only Monday and we already have our Douche Bag of the Week. Especially since I was tempted to award it to another group already. I was tempted to award it to the 43% of Republicans who think their party has been too moderate over the past 8 years. Yeah, you read that right. TOO moderate. Or the 55% of the party that think it should be more (yes more) like Sarah Palin in the future. So they want to be more ignorant and more confident at the same time? Didn't we just see that show for 8 years? Didn't really work out too well, did it? Well enjoy your wilderness. 

But I have to give the award to this douche bag from an upstate New York infomercial: 

For starters your suit is way to big. They don't have tailors up there? 

Second, he sounds like a New Jersey goomba more than an upstater. 

And finally, you're not going to sell more leather coats by bad mouthing Mrs. Clinton. Okay, maybe you will, but I can't imagine it'll make the margins that much bigger. If you really want to make money in the leather business then you should make chaps for the bikers, skin tight suits for the Matrix freaks, or sex outfits for the gays. 

That's where the real money is!

Holy Tirades Batman!

So this therapy session has been making it's way around the internets today. 

Yeah, the dude has some anger management problems for sure. And all the comments I have read are about what an asshole Bale is and over paid prima donna and blah, blah, blah. But ya know, those great, intense performances come from some place. 

And it doesn't sound like this is the first time it happened. If it was the first time this happened, maybe I would feel different about. Who knows. Looking at the DP's IMDB page T4 is the biggest movie he's worked on. But he does have a few credit's lined up, so you think by now that he'd know not to walk on set during filming. 

And McG just sounds like a pussy. Dude, get control of your set. And maybe that's why directors have typically been men. Because you have to deal with people like this and basically show them who's boss. And before you get all up in arms, I'm just saying that the typical John Huston/Sam Peckinpah cigar chompin', balls of steel types let everybody know who's boss. Of course that's because they were probably the ones who were probably throwing the tirades. I just get the feeling that on a Michael Mann or Ridley Scott set, this kinda thing isn't tolerated or at least not allowed to go on for 5 minutes. And Ridley Scott keeps putting up with Russell Crowe so you know he means business!

I just thought the whole thing was funny. Mostly because Bale's accent keeps popping up out of nowhere and going away again. But maybe I'm an asshole for thinking that. 

Darn Near Puked

If you ever find yourself unable to sleep and you come across a documentary on skunks on PBS, do yourself a favor and change the channel. Yes they are cute. Yes they are interesting creatures. But at some point in said documentary they're going to want to show you just how a skunk sprays. And they're going to want to show you that act in extreme close-up and in super slow mo, and brother, that's one thing you DON'T wanna see. Trust me. 

I darn near puked. For serious. 

I'll spare you all and not post any photos or video either. Not even a link. If you're even a bit curious, you're on your own this time. 

I'll never look at Peppy La Pew the same way again. Shame.