Craig's Greatest Hits

This was a legitimate ad on Craigslist: 

this is super random i know. 

i dont have many friends in portland and looking for someone to hang out with. i just moved here recently. i have been craving izzys pizza, i know its not the best, but im craving it. So lets go. i havnt never done this before and posted on here for something like this. We could watch some basketball, relax at the gym, or whatever afterwards.
im bi discrete and masculine and would like to meet someone sorta like me. i have pics to trade if you want. if this is still up im still looking for tonight.
im 511 oneninty brown hair, white guy, former soccer player, average guy next store looks.

Okay, I feel for the guy. I really do. It's hard to be new to a town and alone. And over looking the 'havnt never done this' and the 'guy next store' , but Izzy's?!  

Really?? 

Izzy's? 

And how do you 'relax at the gym'?