Are you in awe yet?
Yeah. Me neither. There's still a shit load of lights on. Even in Las Vegas where it's kinda dramatic, but not so much. Look, the only was something like this works is if everybody does. Everybody. The only thing that would really make me go, 'holy shit' was if every single light was out. But that will never happen. Cause there will always be old curmudgeons like me that just don't give a shit. Or kinda give a shit, but not enough to sit in the dark for an hour and reflect upon energy consumption. I have enough problems with my boring Saturday nights that I don't need to make them more boring.
And why only for an hour? Why not a day? Or a week? That'd really get people to think about their energy consumption. Or hell why not just give it all up. Turn everything off and go back to basics. Just like the hippies and Islamic fundamentalists want us too. Sorry, but I love my Mr. Coffee and my Blu-Rays too much to ever give them up.
The whole thing reminds me of those one day gas buying boycotts they kept trying to have over the last few years. The idea being that if everybody didn't buy gas for one day it's drive the price down. Yeah, pretty freaking stupid. But people bought into it. Not intelligent people, but people nonetheless. Again in theory it works. In theory. But only if everybody does it. But there is enough Scrooges like me that it'll never be. I can be idealistic about many, many things but not something as stupid as this.
So just how did I spend my Earth hour? Watching bad action movies on FX while surfing the internets. Yes I had my TV on, my computer on, and all my lights on. And if I could have I would have spent the whole hour brewing coffee and microwaving Hot Pockets constantly. Oh and I walked to Safeway and bought stuff to make myself a root beer float. Kinda sad really.
One of the bad, bad action movies I watched was The Marine. This movie has to be some sort of weird spiritual cousin to Road House. Yet at the same time it's a odd Red State, right wing jack off action movie. Case in point; the movie opens in Iraq at an 'Al-Qaeda training camp'. I shit you not. And they show a whole big compound thingy. Like some sort of fortress. I mean are people stupid enough to think that, that's what it's really like over there? But this movie was produced by the WWE, so what do you expect? So John Cena goes in, kills all the brown people, and saves his Marine brothers who are just about to be beheaded.
The action is kinda okay, but at the same time way over the top. There's a car chase where a cop car takes probably 10,000 bullet hits and just keeps going. I half expected it to fall apart ala' The Blues Brothers. But then it's a Camaro. And you know how those righties love their Camaro's. John Cena has all the charisma of a cinder block. He couldn't act his way out of a plastic bag. In fact if the villains really wanted to foil him they would just put him in a large plastic bag. I don't even think his face noticeably moves once. If you played a drinking game where you drank every time his face moved you'd be stone cold sober at the end.
The real saving grace of this movie is the bad guys. Robert Patrick is especially crazy. He seems to be one of the only people in the movie who understands that he's in a trashy movie and he plays the camp aspect aptly. It starts with a self aware Terminator reference. Then out of nowhere Patrick receives a call to confirm his DirectTV platinum package while he's in the middle of the fucking swamp trying to get away. It's just so randomly wtf? Once you get to the point where one of the baddies is recounting how he was molested at summer camp and can't stand rock candy as a result you know this movie has totally gone off the rails. The movie is just terrible. But that good kinda terrible.
I think the only thing that would improve this movie is if they recast John Cena with Michael Cena. Then you'd really have something.
And that was my sad, sad Saturday Night.
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